BOOK COMMUNITY SLUMP BRAIN DUMP
I got back into reading last year and I was truly having the time of my life. I had some books that were the first books of series' (Cinder, Half-Bad, Shatter Me) and ended up reading all of the subsequent books . I finally read the last two books of the The Mortal Instruments series which seriously threw me back to high school when I read the earlier books. Just reading a lot and loving the fact that I'm reading alot.
Fast forward to this cursed year of 2020, I decided to make a bookstagram. I really made it for my own amusement, just like with every creative thing I've ever attempted. I wanted a place to post pretty pictures of books and talk about books, even if I'm just talking to myself. And I really was just talking to myself. I didn't sought out to make friends within the community, I was there for pretty pictures and seeing what books other people were reading and buying. In June, I decided to make reading vlogs. Again, I wanted a place to talk about books even if I was just talking to myself. I had posted four vlogs without talking about my videos anywhere. And then I made a separate Twitter account for ~bookish~ things, meaning that I followed the people I was subscribed to on YouTube and followed on Instagram. Things in my little bookish bubble were fine. I was reading, posting on my Instagram, doing my vlogs, liking other people's tweets because they're far more clever than I am.
When I uploaded by first Wikathon vlog, I tweeted about it. And people retweeted and liked the tweet. People watched my video and left comments, all very kind and supportive. And you're probably thinking wow that's great that people are watching and interacting with your videos and yeah you would think so but all it did was make me anxious. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I went viral or anything. But for a month I was making videos for myself and now I have that number to remind me that other people are watching. I don't know how to describe it, it just feels weird now. It's why I decided not to do vlogs anymore. It's the same thing with Twitter. Twitter in general is a mess and I'm thinking of just deleting my new account. It's funny how I used to feel this way about Instagram and now it's the bookish platform I feel most comfortable with. Even so, if I deleted my bookstagam I would be okay with it. Maybe I should do that and go back to how I was last year. Just reading and relaxing and loving that I'm reading. I really enjoy making vlogs, and like I said, I like talking about books I've read even if it's just to myself, so I hope this weird feeling goes away soon.
I just want reading to be stress free. I don't want to feel pressure of any kind about anything.
iscelle robee
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